Post by Lira on Sept 14, 2018 0:40:41 GMT
Continued from Ye Olde Forum. This is an interactive thy-dungeonventure in which one person types a command and the next person gives a response. Although as of yet it's just been me and Gfdgsgxgzgdrc playing, as many people can join in as want to.
Previously on Thy Forumman...
What wouldst thou deau? Myself, I'm gonna
> look at torch
Previously on Thy Forumman...
Ye finds yeself in you dungeon. There is a CHEST in the corner of thy room, and a BASIN of WATER. Obvious exits are NORTH.
> go to NORTH
Ye go NORTH and enter a room that hath old CHAINS attachéd to the wall. On one of these old chains is hung an old SKELETON. Ye spy a glint of GOLD clutched in its hand. Thy only exit is back SOUTHWARDS.
> get GOLD
Ye examineth the GOLD in the skeleton's bony clutch, and discover it to be a small KEY! Rejoices!
> talk SKELETON
The skeleton doth not reply to you. Spending centuries hanging by a chain in a dungeon tends to make one anti-social. Its eyes leer at you creepily.
> use KEY on CHAINS
The chains are now unlocked. Congratulations. Ye feel that thy key might serve a greater purpose somewheres else.
> go SOUTHWARD
Ye walk out of that spooky place and into the room from whence ye came. The CHEST is still chillin' in its spot in the corner of the room, as is the BASIN of WATER. Obvious exits are still hangin' out to the NORTH.
> use KEY on CHEST
Thy chest clicketh open! Ye peer inside, and ye find... a LADDER leading down! 'Tis not treasure at all! What kind of yon dungeon is this anyways?
> drink BASIN of WATER
Ugh. Ye hath tasted latrine water better than this. Not that ye goeth around all the time drinking latrine water or anything.
> jorb times!
That's juste nonsense. Art thou trying to maketh some sense?
> go down ye LADDER
Thou decendeth the ladder unto the pits of eternal darkness below. No for realst, it's really dark down here. Thou canst hardly see a thing. Ye hear ominous sounds emanating from the WEST. Emanating is an ominous-sounding word, right?
> go to WEST
Dost thou hear those noises? Those are some seriously emanating noises. I really don't think thou wishest to go WEST. For realeth, man. Not a goode idea. Turnst back whilst thou still can!
> get ye flask
Oh, look who thinks he's Flask-getter Dan. Thou willst have to try a little harder than that to get thy precious ye flask. What kind of dungeon dost thou think this is?
> for reals this time, go to WEST
Alright, man... thy funeral. Thou entereth a place moste foul, permeated with the most unspeakable ODOR thou couldst ever not speak of. Strewn around the room are BONES of various unfortunate beings, and strewn in the center of the room is a horrible BEAST, making emanatious sounds. It lies sleeping upon a great pile of GOLD. Just like in the stories!
> get BONES and stuff.
It is said that thou cannot judge another until thou hast walked a mile with their bones. Thou picketh up a few and storeth them in thy inventory. Their smell leaveth much to be desired. As for "stuff", thou shalt have to be a little more specific.
> hit BEAST with bone
Thou giveth the beast a righteous smack on its scaly hide with thy faithful bone. The beast stirreth, and awaken...eth. Now thou hast an angry beast staring ye down and cramping thy style. Too late thou realizeth that a handful of bones is not a level 10 hero-class weapon. This does not look good for Thy Dungeonman.
> take GOLD-eth
The BEAST almost bites off several of thy dungeonfingers. It doth not appreciate thee stealing its shiny bedding. Now it be really cheesed off at thee.
> make friends with beast
Sometimes friendly diplomacy is the best way to not get eaten by a giant ferocious beast. But thy relationship appeareth to be off to a less-than-exemplary start. If only thou couldst use some type of ITEM to win the beast's heart......
> buyeth beast a cold one
Searching high and low revealeth naught a ONE in sight. Besides, I don't think thou wanteth a DRUNKEN BEAST rampaging around yon dungeon. Not to give thee a hint or anything, but mayhap thou canst maketh use of an ITEM in thy more immediate inventory.
> give a BEAST a bone... eth?
With a trembling hand, ye handeth the BEAST thy BONE, and behold! The beast sitteth on its haunches and devours it whole. It licketh thy face. Now ye hath a friend! Dungeons can get so lonely. And who knoweth the destructive power of an enormous scalèd beast thou now hath at thy fingertips? Thou decideth to name it GEORGIE.
> taketh yon golde
Now that the beast is thy best friende forever, it doth not have a problem with thou pilfering its shiny, shiny gold. Thou grabbeth as much swag as will fit in thy bulging dungeonpockets. Thy beast puts a few coins in its slimy mouth and whimpers.
Now thou art Thy RICH Dungeonman! Too bad there are not any convenience stores, candy shoppes, or flask booths in this miserable dungeon. But the coins looketh nice in thy pockets.
> buy ye flask
Nice trye, Thy Smartypantsgeonman. But all the gold in the world cannot buy ye a ye flask in this game. And don't even try typing "get flask booth".
> get flask booth
Thy beast friend Georgie nips thy hand quite painfully. Thou forgettest that the narrator hath absolute powers of punishment against thee.
> buy narrator a colden one
So apparently there was a colden ones bar in the beast's cavern. Who knew? Thank you, friende. Thou art forgiven. For now.
> getteth... yon flask booth... please?
Ignoring that. Suddenly, the ground beneath thee and Georgie crumbles! Thou falleth through the darkness for several seconds before landing in a much more interesting place with a lot more to do in it. Thou and thy beast... ...thy beast and thou? —Curses! Olde English grammar!— find thyselves in a CATACOMBS, where luminescent MOSS grows on the floor. A rusty AX lies upon the floor as well, and thou can maketh out some red MARKINGS on the westward wall. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, and... did I miss anything? Oh yes, WEST. Pretty much everywhere.
And, your backside is bruisèd. Stupid unstable ground.
> readeth yon MARKINGS
Oh yes... the markings. Thou slinketh over to the westwardly wall and peereth at them. They appeareth to be written in blood. Or red sharpie. Or something. The wall messages readeth as followeth...eth...
BEWARE! STOP! DANGER TO THE NORTH!
SAFE PASSAGE TO THE EAST
Thou art not sure what to think.
> get ax
Thou trudgeth over and grasp the rusty ax by its rusty handle. Waiteth— can its handle be rusty? Never thee mind, I think it's a wooden handle. In any case, thou adopteth the ax into thy inventory, and discover that it is in fact a hatchet. Fear is struck into the heart of every dongrel within a three-kilometre radius.
Georgie licketh the hatchet's less-than-dull blade. Apparently rust is very tasty.
> go dennis
Not an obvious exit. Not even an unobvious exit. Dennis is nowhere to be seen. As far as thou knoweth, he and his jimberjam are still hanging out back at the parapets. I don't think thou wantest to go back there.
> uh, look... moss
Thou art ninety-and-a-half percent sure that is moss. It is oddly luminescent, which is fancy-talk for glowing. It groweth and gloweth out between the cracks in the floor. Thou art certain it is poisonous. Being a Thy Dungeonman, thou must know these things. Plus, Georgie muncheth on it happily. What more proof dost thou needest?
> looketh-est thy of thou yon catacombs-eth
Ah, catacombs! 'Tis a lovely word. Decidedly more lovely than the actual catacombs than ye are in. They are dark, dank and... stank. More or less everything seems to be made of stone. Except the AX, and GEORGIE, and those MARKINGS, and the MOSS on the floor. Oh, and thee. Thou aren't made of stone. But like the walls and the floor, and stuff... all stone. Thou've seen more stone in thy life than thou careth to admit. Oh yeah, and there are those obvious exits to the NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, and WEST.
Not the worst catacombs thou hast ever seen. But not the best. You giveth it a six out of ten.
> go north
I assume thou hast paid attention to those MARKINGS? Ye're just asking for trouble. Oh well. Thou wanderest northways, and arriveth in a darkened CHAMBER. Yeah... a CHAMBER of the CATACOMBS. That soundeth good. It is quite cold— ye getteth a bad feeling about this. The floors are stone tile, and the walls are stone brick, and have SCRATCH MARKS on them. The only feature is a giant PIT in the center of the chamber. Obvious exits are SOUTH and WEST.
> jump into pit
Wow... thou art not very smart, art thee? As thou approacheth the pit, thou looketh down and noticeth that it lacketh a visible bottom. Yeah. Thou might really wanteth to reconsider. Thou hast done some pretty unsmart things but this would surpass thems all.
> no for real, jump into pit, man.nofoolin'
Going for the Darwin award for the third year in a row, huh? Whatever man. Thou abandoneth thy good sense and leapeth into the giant pit. Georgie dost not follow thee. Thou falleth and falleth 'till thou canst not fall no more, and landeth with a thump in... er... it's really hard to keep coming up with places, ye know. Thou couldst have had that entire catacombs to explore, but no— ye hadst to jump into a freaking pit. ...Thou landeth in a cylindrical, pit-shaped place. The walls art lined with STONE BRICKS. More BONES litter the ground. Thy back feels severely broked, and obvious exits are UP. Nice going.
> look... um... stone bricks
Thou examineth the stony type bricks of thy new home. They art grey. They've been worn down over many years of dungeonage. Ye looks closer and sees tiny RUNES inscribed on the surface! Verrry mysterious. Probably inscribed by some variety of wizard. Of course they may just be random lines on the wall put there to flummox you. Probably inscribed by some variety of evil wizard.
> look runes
Thou peereth intently at the mystical runic garblemesh written in the wall stones. They're pretty much like most runes thou hast peerest at— many confusing lines, curves, and squiggles. Ye can'tst decipher thems. Thou hast clearly never been to wizard school or evil wizard school. Thy finger sparks painfully as thou toucheth the stone. Ye needs to stop shuffling around dungeons all the thyme.
> shuffle around dungeon
Since there's really not much space in this cylindrical type chamber, thou shufflest around in a circle most dorkily. Smart. Now ye will be electrocuted next time ye touchest the wall. Although, don't push thy luck.
> touchest the wall.
Thou toucheth the wall and get totally electrocuted and die. Ye totally hadst this coming to ye.
Okay, I'm willing to givest thou a second chance if ye promise not to come up with more insane suicide plots. Of course ye are still at the bottom of a giant PIT with RUNES on the WALL. That thou jumpethed into suicidally.
> climb out? -eth?
The walls of this cylindrical chamber are spaced a bit unfortunately far apart, and there are too few handholdes. Thou makest it a few metres up probably before sliding back down most embarrassingly. The RUNES stare runically at thee. How art thou ever to get out of this self-inflicted prison?
> kick wall
Forsooth! To thy great astonishment the wall cracks open at thy kick, opening a doorway just big enough for thy dungeonself to squeeze through! Ye gazeth around at a great cavern hewn of rough stone. LANTERNS on chains hangeth down at thee on chains from the high ceiling. A small shanty SHACK standeth over in the westmost corner. A small PICKAXE lies abandoned on the ground several metres from thee. Obvious-ish exits lie to the EAST and SOUTH.
> pick up pickaxe— get it??!?
Ye grasps the pickaxe. 'Tis crafted of the sharpest stone. Probably goblin-made, if this is that kind of fictional world. One end is a bit blunted from heavy mine-work, but it could still wreaketh some havoc on the local rocks.
> go in shack
Ye entereth yon shack, and discover it to be a dingy little shoppe! DENNIS'S DUNGEONWARES is inscribedeth on a hanging sign over the counter. "For all thy dungeoning needs!" Behind the counter standeth a GUY! Perhaps thou hast tracked down DENNIS at last! Various WARES are on display around the shoppe. Obvious exits are the EXIT.
> talkest yon guy-eth
Thou can'tst TALK DENNIS until thou dost GO DENNIS.
> Go, Dennis, go!
Ye arrive at Dennis. The guy hath really turned himself around since ye last saweth of him. He hath quit his nervous pacing and sports a styling new haircut. But thou wouldst know that jimberjam anywheres. Still a-jimberjammin'. He asketh what he can do-eth for you-eth. (Obvious exits are NOT DENNIS.)
> look wares
Everything a Thy Dungeonman could possibly want and more! A fine assortment of rusty WEAPONRY, battered ARMOR, one of those cool HORNED HELMET THINGS, some old KEYS, dusty LAMPS, SCROLLS, and... is that a FLASK?
> get ye flask
"Sorry, pal," sayeth Dennis. "Ye can't get ye flask. Anything else thou art interested in?"
> get ye weaponry
"We only stocketh the highest quality weaponry— as rustic as it is rusty," Dennis assureth thee. "Lookest thou for a STEEL SWORD, a BATTLE AXE, a MACE, or perhaps a trusty MOP? We haveth it all!"
> get ye mace
Dennis lifteth a rather spiketylookin mace out of the display case (because there's a display case probably). "That'll cost ye a handsome sum of cash," he informeth thee. "Havest thou CASH?"
> er... grab ye mace and attack ye Dennis
Ye wrench yon mace out of Dennis's grasp. "Dudeth!" he doth protest. Ye swing it at him, but the mace glanceth right offa him. "Elven-made chain-mail armor," he explaineth smugly. "Oh yeah, and thou hast forcluded any possibility of further business! Take thy mace and hie thee hence, wastrel!" He booteth thee out of the shoppe and slammeth the door behind ye. Thou art back in the cavern. Hope that MACE was worth it, guy.
"Hie thee hence"?
> look lanterns
This dungeon hath apparently upgraded its lighting system from the standard torch-on-the-wall package. The old-fashioned lanterns hangeth down from the ceiling on chains and cast thy shadow in sharp relief, providing an appropriate dungeonesque atmosphere. (Ye shalt have to trust me on this one since there art no graphics or anything). Ye can probably presumeth that the candles burning in them are the everlasting variety.
> go east
Ye travels east and arrives at a small subsection of cavern with a lower ceiling. Ye spies an indifferent ORC leaning nonchalantly against the southmost wall. A large PILE sitteth nearby, and besides that there art a couple more of them LANTERNS. Obvious exits consist of WEST from whence ye came, and also NORTH.
> doth talkest ye yon orceth
"Oh hey man," sayeth the orc. "Not doing-eth a whole lot right now 'cept for leaning inconspicuously against this totally inconspicuous wall. I usually maketh milk's meat out of dungeonmans like thee but thou seemeth like a pretty cool guy. So I'll letteth thee go so long as thou leaveth me to continue leaning against this wall." Very inconspicuous.
> look ye pileth
Verily, what a pile! It standeth roughly five feet tall, and is composed of various bits of dungeon debris, including a few SKULLS and some dubious SCRAPS of whoknowswhat. SOMETHING glinteth near the top. "Hands offa the pile," warneth the orc.
> touch ye pileth
Thou getteth all up in the pile's business. "I said keepeth thy hands offa the pile!" the orc snarleth. Thou don'tst. The orc maketh a sudden movement forward, then stoppeth. He lungeth forward again, then stoppeth. He glanceth nervously and shiftily at the wall behind him. "Fine, jerketh," he snargles. "I didn't want that pile anydanghow. Just leaveth me alone."
> take something
Thou graspeth something, which turneth out to be an old silver key! It glinteth rustily in thy hands. Thou can'tst help noticing the orc looking very uncomfortable. "That's, um, nothing..." he gnarls, shifting his position against the wall. "It's a key to a door in totally different dungeon and it barely worketh. Thou mightest as well drop it."
> drop it
Key droppethed. Quick as a wink of a blink, the orc scampereth forward and snatcheth the key from the ground, then scarpereth back to his position on the wall. He hideth the key behind his back and giveth thee a sheepish look, a rather impressive feat for an orc. "Ye don't needeth this anyway."
> inventory
Thou hast:
-a golden KEY
-a pocketful of gold COINS
-a rusty HATCHET
-a blunted stone PICKAXE
-a spikety MACE
-a good time, all the time
> use good time, all the time
Ye can't use ye good time, all the time. Ye should knoweth better.
The orc stareth blankly at thee.
> throw coins west
Ye recall what ye has learned about orcs in Thy Dungeonschool: they can't freakin' resisteth thrown treasure. The orc watcheth the arc of the coins as they leave thy hand, appeareth to struggle painfully with his inner nature for a few moments, then darteth west, shouting back rather hopelessly, "Stay away from that wall while I'm gone!" The orc is outta here. But for how long?
Ye notice the orc hath dropped the KEY in his haste.
> get key real quickfast
Key grabbed! Now where wouldst thou use of it...?
> use of key in ye wall(?)
To thy great astoundishment, the outline of a door appeareth in the wall whenst thou approacheth it.
Thou inserteth the key into the keyhole, and the door (apparently more than an outline) clicketh open. Thou art now facing an open door to the SOUTH, from which a faint GLOW emitteth. No wonder that jerk of an orc was so keen on guarding it.
Speaking of the orc, thou startest to hear scamperings and scufflings and prancements growing louder from the WEST.
> go south
Thou entereth what thou canst only presume to be the orc's secret chamber...
The chamber is small and smelleth offensively of orc. A threadbare RUG lieth on the floor. A wide, wooden, and weathered CHEST is in the corner, emitting the previously mentioned faint GLOW. Apart from that, there are a few dry, gnawed BONES and a sort of longish STICK. The door to the NORTH hangeth open still.
> close door (and lock, if possible)
Yon door hath been closèd. Instantly its outline seemeth to vanish into the stone, leaving only a vaguely door-shaped shadow on the wall.
The prancings and scrumblings and scufflements from the NORTH grow more distinct.
> glowy box! GLOWY BOX!
What wouldst thou deau with yon glowy box?
> open 'er up... eth
Thou open 'er uppeth to reveal some type of fairly magical PENDANT! Turns out it's the one making the glow after all. How did the orc getteth his claws on this piece of style?
> put on ye pendant
Ye adorneth yeself with yon pendant. Instantly thou feeleth somehow imbued with magical power and self-esteem. Thy mace feeleth a little lighter in thy pocket.
> wish for ye flask
Alas, 'tis not a wishing pendant. Also alas, thou only realizeth that after many embarrassing minutes wasted mumbling incantations to thyself.
Thou heareth a loud scrabbling at the stony door to the NORTH. "Open up yon door!" screechmakes a harsh gravelly voice.
> open up yon door
Thou openeth up yon door to see a very irate ORC. He is brandishing a knobbly CLUB. However, he is caught off guard because he did not expect thee to actually obey his command. Thou hath the initiative...
> pointeth ye mace at him
The orc feeleth severely threatened. He steppeth back a little and grippeth his club with fervor. "Don'teth thou dare swingeth that mace at me!" he says, his voice squeaking embarrassingly.
> dare swingeth that mace at him
Thou dost. The orc giveth a high-pitched yelp of paine and scrambleth away down the north corridor, cursing at you in Orc. He shan'teth be bothering you no more.
> look wherever-I-am-right-now
Valid confusion. Let us presume thou art still in the orc's chamber since thou never actually walked through yon door.
The chamber is small and smelleth offensively of orc. A threadbare RUG lieth on the floor. A wide, wooden, and weathered CHEST is in the corner; open, empty, and glowing no longer. Apart from that, there are a few dry, gnawed BONES and a sort of longish STICK. The door to the NORTH hangeth open near the spot wherest thou just handily smoted an orc.
> bendeth at the knees
Deciding that the thyme hath come, thou proceedeth to bend at thy knees. Thou putteth thy mind at ease. Thou styleth it out from the left to the right. +2 gumption.
Fareth out.
> get ye stick
Thou now hath a sort of longish stick. Thou noticeth one end is rather pointy.
> get dry, gnawed bones... for some reason
Thou obtaineth the dry, gnawed bones. That orc probably worked his whole life to get those. Now thou hath robbed him of nearly everything he owns. Thou art a cruel and callous dungeonman.
> oh, and get the rug too
Thou art a heartless thief and someday it shall catch up to thee. Thou now hast a threadbare rug for no reason at all.
> go north out of ye doorway. eth.
Thou taketh thy meager pilfered possessions and head back out through yon door.
Thou art in a small subsection of cavern with a lower ceiling. The previous ORC hath left the premises. A large PILE sitteth nearby, and some LANTERNS hangeth overhead. Obvious exits consist of SOUTH through the doorway whence ye came, and also NORTH. Oh yeah, and WEST.
> go north
Thou arriveth at a room taken up by a wide underground LAKE. Water trickleth in from a CRACK in the dungeon wall. A small rocky ISLAND sitteth in the middle of the lake. Thou canst make out some vague murksome FORMS beneath the lake's surface. The dungeon floor beneath you is slippery. Obvious exits are SOUTHMOST.
> jump in lake
Oh boy. One of thy more reckless decisions. Thou plungeth into yon lake. Due to the protective power of thy pendant, the water feeleth slightly less cold than a Freezing One but considerably more cold than an average Cold One. Thou struggleth and floundereth to stay afloat.
Also, one of the murksome underwater forms wrappeth a slithy TENTACLE around thy leg and won't let go. What a terrible fate hath bestowed with thee.
> use that hatchet from earlier
Thou graspeth thy hatchet. Thou swingeth thy hatchet. Thou just narrowely misseth chopping thy own leg off and cleft the offending tentacle in twain. Thou art free, albeit still submerged in chillèd dungeonwater. Thou feeleth the other murksome water-dwellers giving thee an appraising stare.
> swimst ye to thine islandeth
Thou useth all of thy fortitude and chagrin to swim hand-over-hand to yon island. The creatures around thee look as if they want to give thee the business, but thy glowy amulet—wait, was it an amulet or a pendant? I think it was a pendant—keepeth them at bay for now. Thou arriveth at yon island.
Yon Island is smaller than thou doth expected. It is rocky and craggy, and showeth signs of water erosion. A large conspicuous ROCK sitteth at the center. Obvious exits are literally all around thee.
> get rock
Ah. Ye can't get ye rock. I neglected to mention that it is very big and very heavy, and appeareth to be practically a part of the island. But thy dungeonsense telleth you that it may yet hold many hiddlin secrets.
> useth ye maceth... on ye rocketh
Comest thou on, man. Thou hath a better tool to use for this job than that. Thou wouldn'tst want to blunt or break thy spikes.
> use pickaxe, then
Thou putteth thy trusty pickaxe to use at last and splitteth open ye rock. Inside ye finds... er... a chunk of gilded GOLD! The rarest and moste powerful kinde! Rejoices!
> get gold
Thou pryeth ye gold from ye stone. Now ye has ye gold.
> look ye rocks
Ye rocks appeareth to be of the ordinary, boring type. Thou useth thee useless dungeonschool knowledge to determine that they are sedimentary. They are covered in a spongy ALGAE. A large, out-of-place-looking BOULDER sitteth in the center of the rocks. Nothing suspicious about that at all.
> get yon algae
Ye get yon algae. Congratulations. Now ye hast a handful of algae.
> peer closely at boulder
A closer look revealeth that something is hidden in betwixt of yon under-ye-neath of it. I mean, there's something under there.
> get ye thing under there
Ye cannot get ye thing under there. Because there is no ye thing. Just a small HOLE. Wait. Is a hole a thing? All right, I guesseth there is a ye thing under there. Whatever. Obvious exits are IN THERE and NOT IN THERE.
> get all up in there
That doesn't sound like a very smart idea. Ye knowest not what's down there, or if you can get back up, or how deep it is. But whatevereth. You jumpeth all up in there anyway. Ye falleth for a really, really long time, until you hit the bottom of a rocky cavern. Ye only surviveth because this is a video game, so the laws of physics don't really apply. Ye can hear an ominous growling sound to the NORTH. There is a glowing TORCH on the wall, and a boarded-up entrance to the SOUTH that readeth "DO NOT ENTER". Ye should probably not enter.
> go to NORTH
Ye go NORTH and enter a room that hath old CHAINS attachéd to the wall. On one of these old chains is hung an old SKELETON. Ye spy a glint of GOLD clutched in its hand. Thy only exit is back SOUTHWARDS.
> get GOLD
Ye examineth the GOLD in the skeleton's bony clutch, and discover it to be a small KEY! Rejoices!
> talk SKELETON
The skeleton doth not reply to you. Spending centuries hanging by a chain in a dungeon tends to make one anti-social. Its eyes leer at you creepily.
> use KEY on CHAINS
The chains are now unlocked. Congratulations. Ye feel that thy key might serve a greater purpose somewheres else.
> go SOUTHWARD
Ye walk out of that spooky place and into the room from whence ye came. The CHEST is still chillin' in its spot in the corner of the room, as is the BASIN of WATER. Obvious exits are still hangin' out to the NORTH.
> use KEY on CHEST
Thy chest clicketh open! Ye peer inside, and ye find... a LADDER leading down! 'Tis not treasure at all! What kind of yon dungeon is this anyways?
> drink BASIN of WATER
Ugh. Ye hath tasted latrine water better than this. Not that ye goeth around all the time drinking latrine water or anything.
> jorb times!
That's juste nonsense. Art thou trying to maketh some sense?
> go down ye LADDER
Thou decendeth the ladder unto the pits of eternal darkness below. No for realst, it's really dark down here. Thou canst hardly see a thing. Ye hear ominous sounds emanating from the WEST. Emanating is an ominous-sounding word, right?
> go to WEST
Dost thou hear those noises? Those are some seriously emanating noises. I really don't think thou wishest to go WEST. For realeth, man. Not a goode idea. Turnst back whilst thou still can!
> get ye flask
Oh, look who thinks he's Flask-getter Dan. Thou willst have to try a little harder than that to get thy precious ye flask. What kind of dungeon dost thou think this is?
> for reals this time, go to WEST
Alright, man... thy funeral. Thou entereth a place moste foul, permeated with the most unspeakable ODOR thou couldst ever not speak of. Strewn around the room are BONES of various unfortunate beings, and strewn in the center of the room is a horrible BEAST, making emanatious sounds. It lies sleeping upon a great pile of GOLD. Just like in the stories!
> get BONES and stuff.
It is said that thou cannot judge another until thou hast walked a mile with their bones. Thou picketh up a few and storeth them in thy inventory. Their smell leaveth much to be desired. As for "stuff", thou shalt have to be a little more specific.
> hit BEAST with bone
Thou giveth the beast a righteous smack on its scaly hide with thy faithful bone. The beast stirreth, and awaken...eth. Now thou hast an angry beast staring ye down and cramping thy style. Too late thou realizeth that a handful of bones is not a level 10 hero-class weapon. This does not look good for Thy Dungeonman.
> take GOLD-eth
The BEAST almost bites off several of thy dungeonfingers. It doth not appreciate thee stealing its shiny bedding. Now it be really cheesed off at thee.
> make friends with beast
Sometimes friendly diplomacy is the best way to not get eaten by a giant ferocious beast. But thy relationship appeareth to be off to a less-than-exemplary start. If only thou couldst use some type of ITEM to win the beast's heart......
> buyeth beast a cold one
Searching high and low revealeth naught a ONE in sight. Besides, I don't think thou wanteth a DRUNKEN BEAST rampaging around yon dungeon. Not to give thee a hint or anything, but mayhap thou canst maketh use of an ITEM in thy more immediate inventory.
> give a BEAST a bone... eth?
With a trembling hand, ye handeth the BEAST thy BONE, and behold! The beast sitteth on its haunches and devours it whole. It licketh thy face. Now ye hath a friend! Dungeons can get so lonely. And who knoweth the destructive power of an enormous scalèd beast thou now hath at thy fingertips? Thou decideth to name it GEORGIE.
> taketh yon golde
Now that the beast is thy best friende forever, it doth not have a problem with thou pilfering its shiny, shiny gold. Thou grabbeth as much swag as will fit in thy bulging dungeonpockets. Thy beast puts a few coins in its slimy mouth and whimpers.
Now thou art Thy RICH Dungeonman! Too bad there are not any convenience stores, candy shoppes, or flask booths in this miserable dungeon. But the coins looketh nice in thy pockets.
> buy ye flask
Nice trye, Thy Smartypantsgeonman. But all the gold in the world cannot buy ye a ye flask in this game. And don't even try typing "get flask booth".
> get flask booth
Thy beast friend Georgie nips thy hand quite painfully. Thou forgettest that the narrator hath absolute powers of punishment against thee.
> buy narrator a colden one
So apparently there was a colden ones bar in the beast's cavern. Who knew? Thank you, friende. Thou art forgiven. For now.
> getteth... yon flask booth... please?
Ignoring that. Suddenly, the ground beneath thee and Georgie crumbles! Thou falleth through the darkness for several seconds before landing in a much more interesting place with a lot more to do in it. Thou and thy beast... ...thy beast and thou? —Curses! Olde English grammar!— find thyselves in a CATACOMBS, where luminescent MOSS grows on the floor. A rusty AX lies upon the floor as well, and thou can maketh out some red MARKINGS on the westward wall. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, and... did I miss anything? Oh yes, WEST. Pretty much everywhere.
And, your backside is bruisèd. Stupid unstable ground.
> readeth yon MARKINGS
Oh yes... the markings. Thou slinketh over to the westwardly wall and peereth at them. They appeareth to be written in blood. Or red sharpie. Or something. The wall messages readeth as followeth...eth...
BEWARE! STOP! DANGER TO THE NORTH!
SAFE PASSAGE TO THE EAST
Thou art not sure what to think.
> get ax
Thou trudgeth over and grasp the rusty ax by its rusty handle. Waiteth— can its handle be rusty? Never thee mind, I think it's a wooden handle. In any case, thou adopteth the ax into thy inventory, and discover that it is in fact a hatchet. Fear is struck into the heart of every dongrel within a three-kilometre radius.
Georgie licketh the hatchet's less-than-dull blade. Apparently rust is very tasty.
> go dennis
Not an obvious exit. Not even an unobvious exit. Dennis is nowhere to be seen. As far as thou knoweth, he and his jimberjam are still hanging out back at the parapets. I don't think thou wantest to go back there.
> uh, look... moss
Thou art ninety-and-a-half percent sure that is moss. It is oddly luminescent, which is fancy-talk for glowing. It groweth and gloweth out between the cracks in the floor. Thou art certain it is poisonous. Being a Thy Dungeonman, thou must know these things. Plus, Georgie muncheth on it happily. What more proof dost thou needest?
> looketh-est thy of thou yon catacombs-eth
Ah, catacombs! 'Tis a lovely word. Decidedly more lovely than the actual catacombs than ye are in. They are dark, dank and... stank. More or less everything seems to be made of stone. Except the AX, and GEORGIE, and those MARKINGS, and the MOSS on the floor. Oh, and thee. Thou aren't made of stone. But like the walls and the floor, and stuff... all stone. Thou've seen more stone in thy life than thou careth to admit. Oh yeah, and there are those obvious exits to the NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, and WEST.
Not the worst catacombs thou hast ever seen. But not the best. You giveth it a six out of ten.
> go north
I assume thou hast paid attention to those MARKINGS? Ye're just asking for trouble. Oh well. Thou wanderest northways, and arriveth in a darkened CHAMBER. Yeah... a CHAMBER of the CATACOMBS. That soundeth good. It is quite cold— ye getteth a bad feeling about this. The floors are stone tile, and the walls are stone brick, and have SCRATCH MARKS on them. The only feature is a giant PIT in the center of the chamber. Obvious exits are SOUTH and WEST.
> jump into pit
Wow... thou art not very smart, art thee? As thou approacheth the pit, thou looketh down and noticeth that it lacketh a visible bottom. Yeah. Thou might really wanteth to reconsider. Thou hast done some pretty unsmart things but this would surpass thems all.
> no for real, jump into pit, man.nofoolin'
Going for the Darwin award for the third year in a row, huh? Whatever man. Thou abandoneth thy good sense and leapeth into the giant pit. Georgie dost not follow thee. Thou falleth and falleth 'till thou canst not fall no more, and landeth with a thump in... er... it's really hard to keep coming up with places, ye know. Thou couldst have had that entire catacombs to explore, but no— ye hadst to jump into a freaking pit. ...Thou landeth in a cylindrical, pit-shaped place. The walls art lined with STONE BRICKS. More BONES litter the ground. Thy back feels severely broked, and obvious exits are UP. Nice going.
> look... um... stone bricks
Thou examineth the stony type bricks of thy new home. They art grey. They've been worn down over many years of dungeonage. Ye looks closer and sees tiny RUNES inscribed on the surface! Verrry mysterious. Probably inscribed by some variety of wizard. Of course they may just be random lines on the wall put there to flummox you. Probably inscribed by some variety of evil wizard.
> look runes
Thou peereth intently at the mystical runic garblemesh written in the wall stones. They're pretty much like most runes thou hast peerest at— many confusing lines, curves, and squiggles. Ye can'tst decipher thems. Thou hast clearly never been to wizard school or evil wizard school. Thy finger sparks painfully as thou toucheth the stone. Ye needs to stop shuffling around dungeons all the thyme.
> shuffle around dungeon
Since there's really not much space in this cylindrical type chamber, thou shufflest around in a circle most dorkily. Smart. Now ye will be electrocuted next time ye touchest the wall. Although, don't push thy luck.
> touchest the wall.
Thou toucheth the wall and get totally electrocuted and die. Ye totally hadst this coming to ye.
Okay, I'm willing to givest thou a second chance if ye promise not to come up with more insane suicide plots. Of course ye are still at the bottom of a giant PIT with RUNES on the WALL. That thou jumpethed into suicidally.
> climb out? -eth?
The walls of this cylindrical chamber are spaced a bit unfortunately far apart, and there are too few handholdes. Thou makest it a few metres up probably before sliding back down most embarrassingly. The RUNES stare runically at thee. How art thou ever to get out of this self-inflicted prison?
> kick wall
Forsooth! To thy great astonishment the wall cracks open at thy kick, opening a doorway just big enough for thy dungeonself to squeeze through! Ye gazeth around at a great cavern hewn of rough stone. LANTERNS on chains hangeth down at thee on chains from the high ceiling. A small shanty SHACK standeth over in the westmost corner. A small PICKAXE lies abandoned on the ground several metres from thee. Obvious-ish exits lie to the EAST and SOUTH.
> pick up pickaxe— get it??!?
Ye grasps the pickaxe. 'Tis crafted of the sharpest stone. Probably goblin-made, if this is that kind of fictional world. One end is a bit blunted from heavy mine-work, but it could still wreaketh some havoc on the local rocks.
> go in shack
Ye entereth yon shack, and discover it to be a dingy little shoppe! DENNIS'S DUNGEONWARES is inscribedeth on a hanging sign over the counter. "For all thy dungeoning needs!" Behind the counter standeth a GUY! Perhaps thou hast tracked down DENNIS at last! Various WARES are on display around the shoppe. Obvious exits are the EXIT.
> talkest yon guy-eth
Thou can'tst TALK DENNIS until thou dost GO DENNIS.
> Go, Dennis, go!
Ye arrive at Dennis. The guy hath really turned himself around since ye last saweth of him. He hath quit his nervous pacing and sports a styling new haircut. But thou wouldst know that jimberjam anywheres. Still a-jimberjammin'. He asketh what he can do-eth for you-eth. (Obvious exits are NOT DENNIS.)
> look wares
Everything a Thy Dungeonman could possibly want and more! A fine assortment of rusty WEAPONRY, battered ARMOR, one of those cool HORNED HELMET THINGS, some old KEYS, dusty LAMPS, SCROLLS, and... is that a FLASK?
> get ye flask
"Sorry, pal," sayeth Dennis. "Ye can't get ye flask. Anything else thou art interested in?"
> get ye weaponry
"We only stocketh the highest quality weaponry— as rustic as it is rusty," Dennis assureth thee. "Lookest thou for a STEEL SWORD, a BATTLE AXE, a MACE, or perhaps a trusty MOP? We haveth it all!"
> get ye mace
Dennis lifteth a rather spiketylookin mace out of the display case (because there's a display case probably). "That'll cost ye a handsome sum of cash," he informeth thee. "Havest thou CASH?"
> er... grab ye mace and attack ye Dennis
Ye wrench yon mace out of Dennis's grasp. "Dudeth!" he doth protest. Ye swing it at him, but the mace glanceth right offa him. "Elven-made chain-mail armor," he explaineth smugly. "Oh yeah, and thou hast forcluded any possibility of further business! Take thy mace and hie thee hence, wastrel!" He booteth thee out of the shoppe and slammeth the door behind ye. Thou art back in the cavern. Hope that MACE was worth it, guy.
"Hie thee hence"?
> look lanterns
This dungeon hath apparently upgraded its lighting system from the standard torch-on-the-wall package. The old-fashioned lanterns hangeth down from the ceiling on chains and cast thy shadow in sharp relief, providing an appropriate dungeonesque atmosphere. (Ye shalt have to trust me on this one since there art no graphics or anything). Ye can probably presumeth that the candles burning in them are the everlasting variety.
> go east
Ye travels east and arrives at a small subsection of cavern with a lower ceiling. Ye spies an indifferent ORC leaning nonchalantly against the southmost wall. A large PILE sitteth nearby, and besides that there art a couple more of them LANTERNS. Obvious exits consist of WEST from whence ye came, and also NORTH.
> doth talkest ye yon orceth
"Oh hey man," sayeth the orc. "Not doing-eth a whole lot right now 'cept for leaning inconspicuously against this totally inconspicuous wall. I usually maketh milk's meat out of dungeonmans like thee but thou seemeth like a pretty cool guy. So I'll letteth thee go so long as thou leaveth me to continue leaning against this wall." Very inconspicuous.
> look ye pileth
Verily, what a pile! It standeth roughly five feet tall, and is composed of various bits of dungeon debris, including a few SKULLS and some dubious SCRAPS of whoknowswhat. SOMETHING glinteth near the top. "Hands offa the pile," warneth the orc.
> touch ye pileth
Thou getteth all up in the pile's business. "I said keepeth thy hands offa the pile!" the orc snarleth. Thou don'tst. The orc maketh a sudden movement forward, then stoppeth. He lungeth forward again, then stoppeth. He glanceth nervously and shiftily at the wall behind him. "Fine, jerketh," he snargles. "I didn't want that pile anydanghow. Just leaveth me alone."
> take something
Thou graspeth something, which turneth out to be an old silver key! It glinteth rustily in thy hands. Thou can'tst help noticing the orc looking very uncomfortable. "That's, um, nothing..." he gnarls, shifting his position against the wall. "It's a key to a door in totally different dungeon and it barely worketh. Thou mightest as well drop it."
> drop it
Key droppethed. Quick as a wink of a blink, the orc scampereth forward and snatcheth the key from the ground, then scarpereth back to his position on the wall. He hideth the key behind his back and giveth thee a sheepish look, a rather impressive feat for an orc. "Ye don't needeth this anyway."
> inventory
Thou hast:
-a golden KEY
-a pocketful of gold COINS
-a rusty HATCHET
-a blunted stone PICKAXE
-a spikety MACE
-a good time, all the time
> use good time, all the time
Ye can't use ye good time, all the time. Ye should knoweth better.
The orc stareth blankly at thee.
> throw coins west
Ye recall what ye has learned about orcs in Thy Dungeonschool: they can't freakin' resisteth thrown treasure. The orc watcheth the arc of the coins as they leave thy hand, appeareth to struggle painfully with his inner nature for a few moments, then darteth west, shouting back rather hopelessly, "Stay away from that wall while I'm gone!" The orc is outta here. But for how long?
Ye notice the orc hath dropped the KEY in his haste.
> get key real quickfast
Key grabbed! Now where wouldst thou use of it...?
> use of key in ye wall(?)
To thy great astoundishment, the outline of a door appeareth in the wall whenst thou approacheth it.
Thou inserteth the key into the keyhole, and the door (apparently more than an outline) clicketh open. Thou art now facing an open door to the SOUTH, from which a faint GLOW emitteth. No wonder that jerk of an orc was so keen on guarding it.
Speaking of the orc, thou startest to hear scamperings and scufflings and prancements growing louder from the WEST.
> go south
Thou entereth what thou canst only presume to be the orc's secret chamber...
The chamber is small and smelleth offensively of orc. A threadbare RUG lieth on the floor. A wide, wooden, and weathered CHEST is in the corner, emitting the previously mentioned faint GLOW. Apart from that, there are a few dry, gnawed BONES and a sort of longish STICK. The door to the NORTH hangeth open still.
> close door (and lock, if possible)
Yon door hath been closèd. Instantly its outline seemeth to vanish into the stone, leaving only a vaguely door-shaped shadow on the wall.
The prancings and scrumblings and scufflements from the NORTH grow more distinct.
> glowy box! GLOWY BOX!
What wouldst thou deau with yon glowy box?
> open 'er up... eth
Thou open 'er uppeth to reveal some type of fairly magical PENDANT! Turns out it's the one making the glow after all. How did the orc getteth his claws on this piece of style?
> put on ye pendant
Ye adorneth yeself with yon pendant. Instantly thou feeleth somehow imbued with magical power and self-esteem. Thy mace feeleth a little lighter in thy pocket.
> wish for ye flask
Alas, 'tis not a wishing pendant. Also alas, thou only realizeth that after many embarrassing minutes wasted mumbling incantations to thyself.
Thou heareth a loud scrabbling at the stony door to the NORTH. "Open up yon door!" screechmakes a harsh gravelly voice.
> open up yon door
Thou openeth up yon door to see a very irate ORC. He is brandishing a knobbly CLUB. However, he is caught off guard because he did not expect thee to actually obey his command. Thou hath the initiative...
> pointeth ye mace at him
The orc feeleth severely threatened. He steppeth back a little and grippeth his club with fervor. "Don'teth thou dare swingeth that mace at me!" he says, his voice squeaking embarrassingly.
> dare swingeth that mace at him
Thou dost. The orc giveth a high-pitched yelp of paine and scrambleth away down the north corridor, cursing at you in Orc. He shan'teth be bothering you no more.
> look wherever-I-am-right-now
Valid confusion. Let us presume thou art still in the orc's chamber since thou never actually walked through yon door.
The chamber is small and smelleth offensively of orc. A threadbare RUG lieth on the floor. A wide, wooden, and weathered CHEST is in the corner; open, empty, and glowing no longer. Apart from that, there are a few dry, gnawed BONES and a sort of longish STICK. The door to the NORTH hangeth open near the spot wherest thou just handily smoted an orc.
> bendeth at the knees
Deciding that the thyme hath come, thou proceedeth to bend at thy knees. Thou putteth thy mind at ease. Thou styleth it out from the left to the right. +2 gumption.
Fareth out.
> get ye stick
Thou now hath a sort of longish stick. Thou noticeth one end is rather pointy.
> get dry, gnawed bones... for some reason
Thou obtaineth the dry, gnawed bones. That orc probably worked his whole life to get those. Now thou hath robbed him of nearly everything he owns. Thou art a cruel and callous dungeonman.
> oh, and get the rug too
Thou art a heartless thief and someday it shall catch up to thee. Thou now hast a threadbare rug for no reason at all.
> go north out of ye doorway. eth.
Thou taketh thy meager pilfered possessions and head back out through yon door.
Thou art in a small subsection of cavern with a lower ceiling. The previous ORC hath left the premises. A large PILE sitteth nearby, and some LANTERNS hangeth overhead. Obvious exits consist of SOUTH through the doorway whence ye came, and also NORTH. Oh yeah, and WEST.
> go north
Thou arriveth at a room taken up by a wide underground LAKE. Water trickleth in from a CRACK in the dungeon wall. A small rocky ISLAND sitteth in the middle of the lake. Thou canst make out some vague murksome FORMS beneath the lake's surface. The dungeon floor beneath you is slippery. Obvious exits are SOUTHMOST.
> jump in lake
Oh boy. One of thy more reckless decisions. Thou plungeth into yon lake. Due to the protective power of thy pendant, the water feeleth slightly less cold than a Freezing One but considerably more cold than an average Cold One. Thou struggleth and floundereth to stay afloat.
Also, one of the murksome underwater forms wrappeth a slithy TENTACLE around thy leg and won't let go. What a terrible fate hath bestowed with thee.
> use that hatchet from earlier
Thou graspeth thy hatchet. Thou swingeth thy hatchet. Thou just narrowely misseth chopping thy own leg off and cleft the offending tentacle in twain. Thou art free, albeit still submerged in chillèd dungeonwater. Thou feeleth the other murksome water-dwellers giving thee an appraising stare.
> swimst ye to thine islandeth
Thou useth all of thy fortitude and chagrin to swim hand-over-hand to yon island. The creatures around thee look as if they want to give thee the business, but thy glowy amulet—wait, was it an amulet or a pendant? I think it was a pendant—keepeth them at bay for now. Thou arriveth at yon island.
Yon Island is smaller than thou doth expected. It is rocky and craggy, and showeth signs of water erosion. A large conspicuous ROCK sitteth at the center. Obvious exits are literally all around thee.
> get rock
Ah. Ye can't get ye rock. I neglected to mention that it is very big and very heavy, and appeareth to be practically a part of the island. But thy dungeonsense telleth you that it may yet hold many hiddlin secrets.
> useth ye maceth... on ye rocketh
Comest thou on, man. Thou hath a better tool to use for this job than that. Thou wouldn'tst want to blunt or break thy spikes.
> use pickaxe, then
Thou putteth thy trusty pickaxe to use at last and splitteth open ye rock. Inside ye finds... er... a chunk of gilded GOLD! The rarest and moste powerful kinde! Rejoices!
> get gold
Thou pryeth ye gold from ye stone. Now ye has ye gold.
> look ye rocks
Ye rocks appeareth to be of the ordinary, boring type. Thou useth thee useless dungeonschool knowledge to determine that they are sedimentary. They are covered in a spongy ALGAE. A large, out-of-place-looking BOULDER sitteth in the center of the rocks. Nothing suspicious about that at all.
> get yon algae
Ye get yon algae. Congratulations. Now ye hast a handful of algae.
> peer closely at boulder
A closer look revealeth that something is hidden in betwixt of yon under-ye-neath of it. I mean, there's something under there.
> get ye thing under there
Ye cannot get ye thing under there. Because there is no ye thing. Just a small HOLE. Wait. Is a hole a thing? All right, I guesseth there is a ye thing under there. Whatever. Obvious exits are IN THERE and NOT IN THERE.
> get all up in there
That doesn't sound like a very smart idea. Ye knowest not what's down there, or if you can get back up, or how deep it is. But whatevereth. You jumpeth all up in there anyway. Ye falleth for a really, really long time, until you hit the bottom of a rocky cavern. Ye only surviveth because this is a video game, so the laws of physics don't really apply. Ye can hear an ominous growling sound to the NORTH. There is a glowing TORCH on the wall, and a boarded-up entrance to the SOUTH that readeth "DO NOT ENTER". Ye should probably not enter.
What wouldst thou deau? Myself, I'm gonna
> look at torch